i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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