I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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