dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I still have a little drunk in my system
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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