exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So vagazzling was a success
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
