I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
