omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
