Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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