I am midnight drunk by noon
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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