Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
