Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
