just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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