this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
