i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
