it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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