Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well you can't waste a boner
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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