if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
