ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
