Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
