Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
