The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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