I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
