There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
