i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
