Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
