Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My first STD was from a foam party
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
