Your face is a jimmy john
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
