Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
