I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize