I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
