yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Randomize
