I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
