my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
should my penis look like a turkey
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
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