the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
