last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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