Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
