he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I AM VODKA MAN
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
