I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
