just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
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also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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