So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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