U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
