there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
