this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
