i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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