Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
