Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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