At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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