i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
