We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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