No, drunk sperm still make babies.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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