hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
