mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
