Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
