Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
