I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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