the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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