who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
