so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
