I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
