do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
