My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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