You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
