How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
