Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
