this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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