Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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