I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
