5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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