Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
