how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Less talking, more tequila
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
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