I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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