I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
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I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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