Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
