thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
