Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
