Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
