If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
