can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
